Mooninites Return
by inverse03
Summary: This is my first story I've published in a long time, so bear with me. The Mooninites have returned and are ready to create more mischief and mayhem.
1. Chapter 1

It was the middle of the day when Carl's "guest" came over. She was about middle aged, just like the rest and had blonde hair. You could tell she was old by just looking at her and the fact that she had a raspy voice.

"Hey, baby c'mon in," Carl said as he invited her inside. "Make yourself at home, or whatever you want."

"Got any beer?" the woman inquired.

"Sure, I'll get you some just as soon as I secure the place," Carl said.

Carl immediately started to lock the doors and board up the windows so that his neighbors wouldn't interrupt him.

"Now how 'bout we get down to business?"

"How about we get down to business?" a voice inquired.

Carl looked into the kitchen and, much to his dismay, the Mooninites, Ignignot and Err, were standing there.

"How the hell did you get in here?" Carl asked angrily.

"It was easy," Ignignot said.

"Yeah, very easy, fat man," Err added.

"We just entered through the back door."

Err snickered.

"Now what is so damn funny, Err?" Ignignot asked.

"You said 'we entered through the back door'," Err stared and started to laugh hysterically.

"Speaking of the back door," Carl stated as he chuckled, "Why don't you leave, because I'm about to get my freak on."

"I'm afraid we cannot allow that," Ignignot said, "because we are C-blockers."

"That's right," Err added, "The 'C' stands for 'cock'."

"That's right, and ours are bigger than yours," Ignignot stated.

"And they're digital," Err said.

"Yeah, like I frickin' care," Carl said, "Now step aside, because I'm about to get busy."

"I'm afraid I can't let you do that," Ignognot said, "because it would be a shame if this woman knew that you owe sixty thou…no, 600,000 in child support."

"What the hell are you talking about?" Carl asked, "That only happened one time. Besides how the hell could I owe 600,000 in child support?"

"Well, there's the diapers, and the baby food," Ignignot said.

"There's also the baby clothes and the car seat," Err added.

"Don't forget about how the mother has to baby proof the house and the baby sitter she has to hire."

"And New Jersey enacted this automatic 50,000 fine for knocking up some random girl and leaving her after receiving the news," Err said as he took an official-looking document from his pocket.

"Yes, it's all right there," Ignignot said, "since you knocked up six girls that means that you owe 300,000 for that."

"So you mean to tell me that half of that I have to pay for clothes and that other baby crap?" Carl inquired.

"That is precisely what we're trying to say," Ignognot said.

"I don't have that much frickin' money!" Carl said angrily.

"Well you should've though of that before you got busy," Err stated.

"However, we can take a few things and call it even," Ignignot said.

"Like what?" Carl asked.

"Like all your porn and beer!" Err exclaimed.

"Yes, and also, we require some food so we'll take everything you have in your fridge," Ignignot said.

The two started gathering all of Carl's porn, beer, and food and started loading it into their ship. After they had taken all they could, Ignignot came back and said, "Oh, by the way: you don't really owe 600,000 in child support."

"What?!" Carl shouted.

"We made all that crap up so we could take all you food…and beer…and porn," Err said.

"We'll see you in hell, fat man," Ignignot said as they left Carl's house.

"Hey, get back here you sons of…ah forget it," Carl said as he went back into the house, "At least I still get to get some."

When he entered the living room, he saw that his guest had left and the door had been torn down.

"Where...uh…where'd you go?" Carl asked. He waited a few minutes before he exclaimed, "Aw, Goddammit!"


	2. Chapter 2

"So, tell me again why I have to stay in my room?" Meatwad inquired while standing in his room talking to Master Shake.

"Because, Carl has a lady friend and I was thinking about, you know, showing her around the neighborhood," Shake said, "Mostly in Frylock's room."

"I thought Frylock said that we weren't supposed to go into his room while he was away," Meatwad said.

"That's funny," Shake said, "Because he told me that, while he was at his nerdy science expo thing, I was in charge and that I could use his room for anything I wanted to do. Now if you excuse me, I'm gonna invite Carl's friend over so that I can get laid."

"Still, why do I have to be in here again?"

"Because, when she comes over, she'll see you and say, 'Oh, God; is that a disgusting blob of crap?' and she'll think that this place is unsanitary and she'll run away."

"Yeah, but, this place is already unsanitary. I mean, there's still dishes in the sink that haven't been cleaned and the remains have crusted over them, the trash hasn't been emptied in over three days, and some pancakes got spilled on the chair so now they have ants all over them. I try to clean up, but I think I just make it worse."

"Well of course you do, Meatwad. I mean, everything you touch turns to crap."

"I would still be unsanitary, even without me."

"Yes, but without you, it would be less sanitary and maybe she'd be happy," Shake said as he started towards the living room. "Anyway, I'm gonna go bring that woman over so stay in there and don't touch anything."

Ignignot and Err jumped through the window and Ignignot said, "You'll do no such thing."

"And what, pray tell, gives you the right to say that?" Shake inquired.

"Because we chased her off," Err stated.

"That is right," said Ignignot, "because we are the C-blockers."

"Yeah, and the 'C' stands for cock," Err added.

"Yeah, I already knew that," Shake said.

"Yes, Err, he already knew that."

"Well, I was just saying it just in case he didn't know that; I mean geez."

"But he already knew, so stop saying things that people already know."

Meatwad rolled out, saw the Mooninites and asked, "Did Frylock say you could have friends over?"

"Meatwad, I told you to stay in that room!" Shake exclaimed. "And since you didn't listen to me, I missed my opportunity to get laid. How's that feel, knowing that you kept your roommate from getting laid?"

"Frankly, I'm okay with that."

"We are going to have a backyard party," Ignignot said.

"Yeah, it's gonna be a rager," Err added, "We've got all this food, and beer, and porn."

"Where did you get that?" Shake asked.

"We certainly didn't steal it from your neighbor if that's what you're thinking," Err said.

"Quiet, Err; we have always had this stuff, you don't need to know where we obtained it or who we obtained it from."

"That's fine with me," Meatwad said. "Hey, I know where we could have this party."

The four of them went to Carl's backyard for the picnic. They set up the barbeque and Shake was in the pool when he said, "This is the best idea you have ever come up with, Meatwad."

"Yeah, I do have good ideas sometimes," Meatwad said.

"Hey, look at this," Carl said as he came out the backdoor. "Look who returned to the scene of the frickin' crime."

"I didn't do it!" Meatwad exclaimed.

"I didn't mean to," Shake added. "It was dark out and I thought it was the bathroom.

"That's not what I frickin' mean!" Carl exclaimed. "Hey, what the hell are you talking about?"

"What are you talking about?" Shake asked.

"So you're the one who took a crap in my bushes!"

"Greetings, fat man," Ignignot said.

"How's it going, fatty?" Err asked.

"Eh, it's going good," Carl sarcastically said. "Until you bastards stole all my food, beer, and porn!"

"You can't prove it," Err stated.

"Yeah, you got any proof to back up this asinine statement?" Ignignot asked.

Err chuckled and said, "You said 'ass'."

"Yeah, I got your frickin' proof," Carl said. "It's right frickin' here in my frickin' backyard."

"You know what you should do Carl?" Shake said. "You should do a song where you ask all these people to give you their food. You could call yourself, 'Sir Fat Ass'. You can write a song called 'For the Single, Middle-Aged, Balding Fat Man who wears Sweats… and Flip-flops."

"Ooh, don't forget the hair," Meatwad said.

"Yeah, and who's hairy and watches aerobic videos all day and, even though he watches aerobic videos, doesn't look like he's dropped a single pound."

"Are you quite done?" Carl asked.

"Yeah, I'm done."

"Although, that title is a bit too long," Meatwad said. "I don't think it could catch on."

"Enough already," Carl said. "What am I gonna do about my stuff."

"There's only one way to settle this," Ignignot said. "And that is through…the Lunar Gladiator Battle."


	3. Chapter 3

"What the hell's a 'Lunar Gladiator Battle'?" Carl asked.

"I will tell you what it is," Ignignot replied. "It is a battle to the death between competitors."

"And the rules are: there are no rules," Err added.

"Yes, and the last man standing will be crowned the Ultimate Moon Master," Ignignot said.

"It's pretty much the highest frickin' honor you can get."

"Well, what do I have to do to win?" Carl asked.

"It's simple really; you, the shake, and the meat man fight each other until one is left standing," Ignignot stated.

"I don't give a crap about those two," Carl stated. "I mean, don't get me wrong, I do wanna beat the hell outta them, but why the hell can't I fight you two, since you're the ones who stole my stuff?"

"That's because this is too barbaric and uncivilized for us to participate in," Ignignot stated.

"Yeah, and we're more advanced than you; so, suck on that, fat man."

"Hold on," Meatwad said. "I ain't gettin' into no fight if Frylock says it's not okay."

"That's another thing Frylock told me to do," Shake said. "He said that if we were to enter some sort of fighting competition, we could."

"Well, alright then, as long as Frylock said it was okay."

"In fact, he said that if Meatwad doesn't enter a fighting competition, if challenged to one, that I was supposed to beat you with a metal pipe until you did."

"Shoot, I don't wanna get hit on the head with a metal pipe again; I'm still recovering from the time I was told to go to the store and didn't because my shows were on."

"As I was saying," Ignignot continued, "the Ultimate Moon Master is the highest honor you can get on the moon."

"Only three people have received that honor," Err added.

"Well, who were they?" Meatwad asked.

"The first was known by the name of Neil Armstrong," Ignignot said.

"Hey, isn't he that jazz player?" Meatwad asked.

"No, you idiot, he's the bicyclist who got nut cancer," Shake said.

"You are both wrong," Ignignot said, "He was the first man from Earth to walk on the moon. Once he stepped down, we immediately challenged him to a Lunar Gladiator Battle. He won it with ease and he became known from that day on as 'Neil Moonstrong' because he was strong…and he was on the moon."

"And the flag was flapping because the moon was still shaking from his epic battle," Err added.

"So, who else did you challenge?" Carl inquired.

"You may know the second as Jackie Moon," Ignignot stated.

"Yeah, the basketball player," Err said.

"No way!" Shake exclaimed. "The Jackie Moon?"

"Exactly, before then he was known as Jackie Munigowski and no one would take him seriously with such a name," Ignignot said.

"When we first challenged him, I was like, 'What kind of name is Munigowski anyway?'" Err said.

"After his battle we inspired him to play basketball and write his hit single."

"Who was the third, then?" Shake asked.

The Mooninites were silent for a while before Ignignot asked, "The third what?"

"You know, the third Ultimate Moon Master," Meatwad said.

"There was no third," Ignignot said.

"But you said there was," Shake said.

"That's right; you did," Err added.

"Well why would I say that when there was only two?"

"Because you're dumb," Err said. "This is more embarrassing than the time you asked that girl to give you a lube job."

"Well, how was I supposed to know that it was non-sexual? Usually verbs that are joined with the word 'job' are sexual."

"I had the same problem last week," Carl added.

"Enough of this boring talk!" Ignignot exclaimed.

"Yeah, you're boring us!" Err also exclaimed.

"But weren't you the ones telling us this stuff?" Meatwad inquired.

"Silence, you will not tell us who was supposed to be telling you stuff or not!" Ignignot yelled. "For we must head to the moon for the Lunar Gladiator Battle."

The five of them headed towards the Mooninite's spaceship, got inside, and headed toward the moon, ready to engage, and watch, the upcoming battle.


End file.
